Sex. One of the natural human needs. Pleasure. Part of the intimacy between a man and a woman. But also, unfortunately, a battlefield, a tool for influencing and punishing a partner, a way to humiliate him.
When clients come to me and say: “I want to get a divorce, I have been living with him for 10 years, but I have never experienced an orgasm, and for the last 5 years sex has completely disappeared from our lives,” I am in no hurry to turn on and sympathize.
Moreover, to join: “Ay, what a terrible husband, how unlucky you are.” Because I know that sex, like all life together, is the responsibility of both partners. And my orgasm is generally my concern.
Yes, ladies, that’s right. As soon as you stop expecting miracles from a man, about what he will understand, guess, feel, think, show, show, do – in other words, will give you unearthly pleasure, while you will just lie and accept it – yours sex life will sparkle with new colors.
So, two met, he and she, liked each other – and between them, lo and behold, there was sex.
This first sex may not be ethereal at all, because both are shy, she is more focused on ensuring that he does not consider her too experienced, and he, on the contrary, is fixated on impressing her as a mega-lover – tireless, with a constant erection, varied and dexterous, like David Copperfield.
But later, when the intensity of the first impression subsides, both stop playing nun and superhero, and the third, fourth, and fifth sex begins. And if for you it is still sex without an orgasm, it’s time to help a man bring you to him.
But if you immediately chose an imitation and don’t want to help, then the chances that suddenly the man himself will find the necessary caresses or movements are minimal.
You chose to simulate an orgasm, the relationship is developing, and the man in them is sure that he gives you pleasure five times a night. That’s how much you arch your back and moan passionately, and also scream “Oh, you are my hero.”
I understand this logic: we all want a strong and self-confident man nearby. But there are not many opportunities for men to get confirmation of their strength and confidence – one way is social achievements, the second is a woman.
According to a woman, according to her orgasms, a man is guided by how high-ranking a male he is.
And yes, at the beginning of a relationship, I really want to reinforce this confidence in a man. But therein lies the trap: the more you do for him, the less you get. He is sure that everything is fine with him, and does not try to change anything. And you are used to pretending – and you no longer know how to get out of this circle.
As a result, your dissatisfaction accumulates, usually, problems in bed extend to other areas of your relationship. Until one day you explode and yell a murderous “I’ve never had an orgasm with you” at him.
Even if after that you make up, then sex is unlikely to get better – he will look suspiciously at your every moan, and if you start telling him “do it like this”, you will feel like a sex education instructor.
Therefore, do not go into this circle from the very beginning. Discuss your desires, needs, and postures. Show the man where and how you need to caress from the very first stages of the relationship.
Talk about what is unacceptable between you in sex, and what, on the contrary, you really want to try.
Indeed, there are men who consider themselves a god in bed, making five frictions on the female body once a month. It is useless for them to speak and show. But it is useless to live with them. And it’s better to understand it right away. Not ten years later.
And if suddenly you made a mistake, the habit of imitation drove you into a vicious circle – do not rush to blame your partner for not satisfying you. Try to tell him: “Darling, our sex life has become monotonous, let’s try to breathe new colors into it.”
Offer a man some kind of experiment – I’m sure he will gladly agree to it.
Be careful and considerate to each other. We all need sex. Needed for life, for pleasure. Not to settle scores.
