Impeccable taste, strong character, and the principle “Time for work, hour for fun” – are the main features of these virtuous ladies.
It would seem that there is nothing wrong with the fact that they strive for perfection in everything – and they feel good, and others benefit. But it is impossible to grasp the immensity. Constantly striving for the ideal, they live “on the gap” … Meet the perfectionists in front of you.
Faster, higher, stronger!
The tricky word “perfectionism” came to us from Latin (perfect – ideal, perfect, impeccable). The eternal striving for perfection has other names – the disease of high standards and the syndrome of an excellent student. And note, it is the honors students, and not the honors student, since this “ailment” is suffered mainly by the representatives of the weaker sex.
Surely you are familiar with these unfortunate creatures: as schoolgirls, they do not recognize other grades than five, and are ready to become depressed because of a mark below the mark; in times of reckless students, when the whole group is skipping a lecture together, they prefer to retire with a textbook in a stuffy library. The result of such efforts is known: a “red” diploma and eternal neurasthenia.
These same girls are tearing themselves up in the gyms and, without trepidation, lie under the scalpel of a plastic surgeon, wanting to have an ideal figure and appearance by all means. At the same time, everything else loses its meaning, and the main goal of life becomes the fight against hated kilograms and wrinkles.
Idealist mothers overwhelm their children with their overprotectiveness, raising dependent and tormented girls – the next generation of perfectionists. In everyday life, these women tyrannize households with a manic predilection for cleanliness and consider a failed pie to be a universal tragedy …
The scale of this phenomenon has recently assumed the size of an epidemic. Perfectionism is called the main female disease of the XXI century. In fact, it has always existed, but it seems that the period of its violent heyday has come – “thank you” to emancipation …
For the benefit of society
Did you get a picture in black colors? Please add light colors. First, it is the most rational psychological type. Perfectionists are organized and disciplined workaholics who are able to take on such a burden of responsibility that a mere mortal cannot even dream of.
Therefore, recruitment agencies and employers are “chasing” their bright heads. But such a neighborhood does not bring joy to colleagues – the management constantly cites an irrepressible workaholic as an example. Who likes it? True, often labor fanaticism does not bring much career success, and personal life is placed on the “sacrificial altar” of the profession. And only in science the striving for the ideal is simply necessary and can lead to a happy ending – a great discovery.
Secondly, idealists always follow all the rules and laws. So crime and perfectionism are incompatible things just like genius and villainy. Thirdly, at their best, these people are wise, humane, and insightful. If you need valuable advice, contact the perfectionists.
And, finally, ladies from the clan of idealists often see their destiny in benefiting society. You can safely trust them with the development of social programs and raising money for charity – you can be sure that they will move mountains for the sake of their cherished goal.
The most famous perfectionists are Mahatma Gandhi, Margaret Thatcher, and Jane Fonda. Undoubtedly, they have achieved a lot – each in their own field. But was there a place in their life for simple female happiness?
The Path of Frustrated Hopes
No matter how hard we try to find the positive aspects of “pursuing perfection”, the fact remains: perfectionism gets in the way of life. Here are some of its side effects.
a) Disappointment. As a rule, this is the end of the pursuit of the ideal. It is not easy for such women to start a family – choosing an impeccable companion, they run the risk of forever remaining in old maids: after all, one gentleman earns little, the second smokes a lot, the third is fat … Are they worthy of a smart, beautiful, strong lady?
b) Loss of time. The desire to redo everything, “polishing” the smallest details, drags out the process to infinity. Perfectionists are able to spend hours cleaning the stove instead of playing with the child – and who, one wonders, wins? It is the same at work: an idealistic woman pores over trifles, causing discontent among her superiors. But no one will figure out why she delays the execution of the assignment – because of unprofessionalism or hyper-diligence.
c) Failure to get things done. The twin brother of perfectionism is maximalism, the main motto of which is “All or nothing!” Maximalists believe that it is better to quit or not start at all if it is impossible to do it perfectly. An ordinary situation: the girl does not agree to the proposed job, because at first she is “shone” with a low position with a meager salary. Time passes, her less ambitious peers have long rushed up the career ladder, and she is still “waiting for the weather by the sea.” The principle “You need everything at once” can greatly ruin your life.
d) depersonalization. Fanatically seeking resemblance to idols, perfectionists completely renounce themselves – their own individuality remains undiscovered. In addition, over the years, self-awareness can come into conflict with the image of an idol. And how to live with this split personality?
Where does it come from
Did you recognize your “portrait” in the characteristics of perfectionists? Immediately begin to fight this syndrome before it completely poisons your existence. And to make it easier to neutralize the “disease of perfection”, let’s try to find out where its roots lie.
1. “I come from childhood…”
Firstly, perfectionists are generously “supplied” by their parents, who are trying to fulfill themselves in this way. English classes, a music school, and a sports section, education in the spirit of “we need another record” are doing their job: a program “mum and dad will love me only if I am the best” is laid in the child’s psyche. And everything is ready! Society gets a new perfectionist, honing her skills tirelessly. Or another result – a completely weak-willed, lack of initiative nature: such a girl will enter the institute that the “iron” mother will choose, will marry the groom whom she will select. And in the end, he will live his life, focusing solely on parental standards.
The treatment prescribed: Blaming your parents all your life is not constructive. Stop living according to their script, set your own standards, and do not try to reach the one that your parents have determined. Yes, it’s not easy. It will be easier to complete the task if you can distance yourself from your parents, for example, move to another city. And do not repeat their mistakes, forcing your own child to surpass himself.
2. Alignment with authorities
Many of us have people whose opinions we consider to be the ultimate truth. If one day this celestial sets an unattainable height for conquest or speaks unflatteringly about your talents, you can spend your whole life proving to the “dictator” that you are not born with a bastard.
The treatment prescribed: “Do not make yourself an idol” – wise advice, known from the Bible. And if you cannot live without looking at someone else’s opinion, choose the most loyal judge for yourself.
3. We are in a quarrel with ourselves …
Often we ourselves cultivate perfectionism in ourselves, torturing ourselves with ridiculous complexes and introspection. It’s all the fault of the critic, comfortably settled in our psyche. A common cause: a woman with an amazing figure inspired herself that somewhere she was a centimeter thicker than necessary, and “everyone notices it.” And the poor thing torments herself with thoughts as if those around her make fun of this shortcoming behind her back.
Treatment is prescribed: Get rid of painful pride – love yourself for who you are. Show indulgence in your own mistakes and shortcomings – they excite others even less.
4. Obsession
Your plans are not in a hurry to come true, and you are not able to think about something other than your projects? Are you sure that if you work 20 hours a day, then the goal will be subdued? Alas, all efforts are in vain – you are breaking through a closed door. Sooner or later, the realization will come that the goal was just a mirage.
Treatment Assigned: If you can not leave the obsession, then at least do not scare away those who are nearby. When you realize that you fought with windmills, you will be glad that you did not lose your friends in this senseless activity.
5. Under pressure press
Marvelous beauties look at us from TV screens and from the pages of glossy magazines. It seems that all women (including you) are simply obliged to have a gorgeous bust and long legs – these are modern stereotypes imposed by the media. To become a copy of another beauty, nerves, money, and time are wasted …
Treatment is prescribed: The creation of top models and Hollywood film stars is a whole industry where thousands of specialists work: surgeons, cosmetologists, stylists, and computer scientists. You can’t keep up with the cover girls. These are beautiful, but short-lived soap bubbles. So is it then worth sacrificing health and other joys of life?
